Surviving Iran by Bakran (for the ladies)

Woman hitchhiking through Iran

 

 

Surviving Iran by Bakran (for the ladies)

 

 

 

 

Islamic Republic of Iran and I didn't get along as well as expected, but after long 44 days together we both survived each other. If you happen to be a female hitchhiker on the way to Iran, the points below might save you some trouble or give yout better idea where to find trouble if you're looking for one.

 

Remove the ring from your thumb if you don't want to be considered as a prostitute.

 

Covering your front and behind is equally important as covering your hair.

 

Don't waste your time trying to find a yellow burqa – you won't succeed. Iranian women rarely wear burqa and yellow is not even option.

 

Don't try to set any new fashion trends – you will end up in a police station.

 

Look both ways when crossing „one way“ street as Persians sometimes drive in the opposite direction.

 

It's easier to wash up, as all the Persians do, than to carry your own toilet paper all the time with you. As with everything else in your life only the 1st time is weird.

 

As WC is quite different from western style – be prepared that sooner or later your flip flop will accidentally end up in it.

 

If you're traveling alone or with another female – avoid walking around the small cities after 10 p.m. People will call the police because they are concerned about your safety.

 

Don't try to hitchhike with a Persian guy – it's too much trouble with the people and a police.

 

Wherever you go, you will be asked if you have a husband. Never admit you are single – except if you've been approached by Persian George Clooney.

 

If you're Croatian, the most common question will be „Do you know Branko Ivankovic, Ciro Blazevic and Cico Kranjcar?“ ...just say yes and make people happy.

 

Always wear one ring (on the correct finger) and flash it to the people every time you've been asked if you have a husband. This will save you a lot of time and trouble.

 

Be prepared that some men will refuse to shake your hand. I double dare you to stay calm and collected if you've been raised by the western standards.

 

Learn about „tarof“ and (ab)use it once – you'll surely end up with a  story to tell.

 

Be prepared to be asked directly if you were rich, how much money you had and how much money you've spent.  If you're a true woman, you'll know how to answer.

 

Iranian hitchhiking experience can be confusing: there are no many places in the world where any passing car can double as a taxi. For this reason, don’t take a ride before you have clarified that you are not willing to pay and that their confirmation to take you for free is not a tarof.

 

Make sure the driver understands you want to go to another city and NOT to the bus terminal, taxi or police station otherwise you will end up riding in circles.

 

Try to stop yourself from humming Batman song every time you see a woman in burqa or boregheh.

 

NEVER cook rice for Iranian Kurds. They are sensitive about their rice and you're most likely to fuck it up, because it's different from the one you have in your kitchen. If you end up cooking it, stay calm when they tell you it sucks ass and eat 3 plates just to prove you won't have any stomach problems.

 

If you are sad, eat haleem or smoke Persian weed. If you're very sad, do both at the same time.

 

If you get followed by some creepy man, try to ignore him until he gives up. Talking or yelling will make it worse as he will get excited that you're actually giving him some attention.

 

Be prepared to get offered a cup of hot tea when +40C outside. Rejecting tea is considered quite rude.

 

Avoid asking questions about the supreme leader when in public. You won't get an honest answer.

 

Take this text light-hearted and enjoy Iran! It's truly beautiful and special country.